A part of my story

Okay, people. It is time. I want to share something really important to me with you.

What has happened? Well, I’ve been fighting with anxiety, pain and addiction since I was ten. I don’t even know why. I’ve been examined, treated for dozens of times. The doctors never found anything. That’s 40 years of constant suffering, panic attacks, and so on. I took anti depressives for 20 years. Without any success. Unfortunately.

I had a near death experience in 1999. Included the tunnel, the light, dilution of my body and everything.

Then I was hospitalized multiple times., always without any success. The doctors don’t know, what is going on with me.

But back to the theme of this post. As of May, last year, strange things started to happen to me. I suddenly was accepted by my brothers and neighbors. Thank them so much!

I was still broken; my beloved dogs were taken away from me. Due to jealousy in the neighborhood. That was in August 2020. They are dead now. Upon that, I decided to kill me. I drank three bottles of vodka a day. And half a liter of pure alcohol with it. I just wanted it all to end.

But it was not. On the contrary.

In October I was sitting on the balcony, smoking, and my smartphone felt down. I bent to pick it up, in a fast move. And then it made a “crack”. Four ribs were broken, one completely through. Now a toe too.

From there on the story takes a really big change. I could not do much, barely move. But I could still think and write. On November 7th 2020 me and my brothers founded the techno music project www.technoresistance711.org. Because we resist the way current politics is destroying our (sub)culture and way of living. We wrote a Techno Manifest.

And now strange things started to happen. Suddenly I was talking to world famous DJs, (one in pedicular, no names mentioned…), producers, artists, agencies, photographers and so on. It all started very small, now we are active in over 40 countries, from Afghanistan to Peru.

I have cried a lot during this time. So much, that my eyes are seriously inflamed. I cry every day, but not of sorrow, but of happiness. I feel small and humble and thankful, that I have the opportunity to live this all. I have developed new skills and are communicating with people all over the world on a soul and spiritual level.

And please, I’m no fool. People who know me, now that I graduated with best possible grades from school. I have a rational and scientifically schooled mind usually.

There is more. Maybe the most important thing. I get assistance and support from people, I don’t even know. And I have found the love of my life.

But wait. There is even more. After composing and producing techno music I discovered that my music is a bit different. I seek melodies. I play melodies. Big melodies. So, I took myself on a trip into classical music. (playlist on Spotify soon)

And now guess what happened? I listen to melodies, search in old photographs, and realize: It’s always been there! I just have pushed it away all my life. Now I’m talking to world famous pianists, cellists, violin players. Always on the look after that one, all changing melody.

I don’t know at the moment, how this is going to continue or how it will end. Definitely not in my old job. But it is a wonderful journey, and I want, that as many of you are going to follow me in this. I thank you all.

Thank you for reading,

Truly yours